I didn't start blogging because I thought I would amass a ton of followers. I just did so because I had things to say and I thought that if one of those ramblings did perchance help someone in whatever fashion, it would be worth it. It was encouraging to see that I got a good bunch of hits with my body image post and then decent hits with subsequent entries... but then I got a tad obsessive. Well, in checking the stats anyway.
Then December rolled around and what with a wedding, Christmas gatherings, birthday gatherings then Chinese New Year gatherings, I stopped blogging. If anything, those would be moments worth blogging about but see, I don't have much discipline and once something throws me off rhythm, I'm fairly easily derailed. Much like my desire to work out regularly.
I have a lot of things I want to do - bake, knit, make cards, decorate the home, take voice lessons - but I just lose the drive to actually execute. And it sucks! So many opportunities wasted, so many chances to connect passed by, so many moments to live life to the fullest experienced vicariously, unnecessarily so.
While I don't blame my child hood, I certainly do look back to it as a major reason why I don't have the "up and at 'em!" attitude most people innately seem to have. And I don't mean the Type-A go-getter attitude, just the regular motivation regular people have to do regular things. I saw people around me work hard around me but I was never really asked to work hard myself. Again, I don't blame my childhood - I'm an adult now and I make the choice to procrastinate - but it helps in understanding why I am the way I am.
Then I read these posts and tweets by Kenworth Reeves Jr. and Jon Acuff who keep saying I have a story worth telling. In my mind, I reply, "But it's not exciting. I'm just a stay-at-home mom with an incredibly cute kid who randomly finds awesome things and shakes a fist at petty moments and grand injustices. Who would want to hear from me? I'm not trailblazing in Children's Ministry as I once was - I'm not even in full-time church ministry anymore. I don't have child woes or some illness to garner sympathy for. My theological swords are kiiinda rusty. I'm so out of touch with the rest of the world!" And Kenworth and Jon would come back with bits like "God's excited about your small beginnings", "Life is a canvas and you are the artist", "What are you going to finish in 2012?" and "You're ability to create art is not dependent on your ability to create fame." These bits, along with others, kept reminding me that I'm not blogging to gain followers, I'm doing so to maybe give someone a laugh for the day or connect them to a great sale or introduce them to an amazing product.
Basically, it's not about me. I know, artists say that all the time but really, I want to do these things - bake, knit, blog, serve coffee - not because they will make me better (although I hope they do!) or more well-known but because the outcomes of these things may help someone else out. And if it's just a handful of people, so be it. I may not be one to dazzle as others do but if I can, as Kaarina Hsieh has shared, shine a small light in my little corner of the world, why not shine as best as I can?
So I'll try to blog at least every other day if not every day. Since I'm giving up all sites except for email and daily news, that should allow me more time to blog. Yeah, I'm late for Lent but better late than never right? Oh, and before anyone tries to jump on me for referencing sites in future posts, I'm not being pharasaically strict on my Lent, just ensuring that I'm only going to sites for a purpose (like researching quickly a product we're about to buy) and after I've done I've completed my daily responsibilities, something that I haven't been that great on (I said I wasn't stellar at discipline!).
Okay, so enough explaining and whatever (although I must say, this may not be my most coherent/cohesive post, but you should get the gist of what I'm saying). Off to bathe my son and make dinner. Thanks for reading!
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