Okay, so I can't access my Tumblr so I guess I'll start posting things here. I've started a few blogs and never got back to them but maybe this one is it? Ah, we'll see.
I've gotten in to reading Oswald Chambers again as part of my devos. Today's was convicting, being about ripened grapes ready to be squeezed. I keep thinking back to my energy to ministry when I was younger and wonder why I don't have the same gusto as before. It's not age (even though I do feel slower!) because I feel it in my heart. There's this heaviness that makes moving harder. I think it's because I haven't fully healed from being burned. I've been burned in ministry, burned by friendships, burned by being there for everyone and not asking anyone to be there for me. And now I'm in a career that pretty much calls for me to be there for others with the tradition of even putting church ahead of family, something which I cannot agree with.
Where do I go from here? I know God has called me to be an equipper - it's something I naturally do. Either the context needs to change or I do. Right now, I'm hoping it's a little bit of both.
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